Monday, May 23, 2022

Last night I went to bed at 10pm, fell asleep quickly, got up twice during the night, and woke/got up at 7am.

I looked ahead and it appears Top Gun: Maverick (8.4) will be playing at 6:20pm Thursday in the Cine Colombia Imax.

I left the apt at 9:15 and took a Didi to the mall. Once again the driver was late arriving, either she got lost or more likely construction around Ave Poblado delayed her.

I successfully made an ATM withdrawal with my Charles Schwab debit card.

At Auros I found a young lady who spoke good English so I could explain the problem I’m having with my USB memory drive. They didn’t know what the strange file was either so they called someone. After waiting about 10 minutes I told her I was going to do some shopping in Exito then I would return. I bought a 3-pack of Punto Blanco underwear, a 10-pack of plastic clothes hangers, a bag of oatmeal, a container of dishwashing soap, a bottle of imported teriyaki sauce, a box of toothpicks, and a single imported lemon.

Back at Auros they told me they would have to send my memory drive to another “venue”. I asked when I should come back and was told in the afternoon.

I had coffee in Santa Leña before returning to the apt by taxi.

I left the apt at 3pm and took a Didi to the mall. I bought a blueberry muffin in Starbucks and ate it with 2 café con leches in Todo Fresa.

At Auros a young man recognized me and immediately shook his head. I said, “mañana?” and he nodded his head. I returned to the apt by taxi. Fifteen minutes later I received a call from “Auros VE” and I handed the telephone to Teresa. She reported that my USB drive is ready for pickup.

Teresa wanted pizza but didn’t want to go out so she called her friend Gloria and had pizza delivered. It took 50 minutes and cost 33mil, including delivery. I was standing at the apt doorway watching for the elevator to go down to the garage when the young man surprised me by taking the stairs.

 

Putin Joke

 

President Putin is sitting in his office when his telephone rings.

"Hello, Mr. Putin!" a heavily accented voice said. "This is Paddy down at the Harp Pub in County Cork, Ireland. I am ringing to inform you that we are officially declaring war on you!"

"Well, Paddy," Putin replied, "This is indeed important news! How big is your army?"

"Right now," says Paddy, after a moment's calculation, "there is meself, me cousin Seán, me next door neighbour Seamus, and the entire darts team from the pub. That makes eight!"

Putin paused. "I must tell you, Paddy, that I have 1,000,000 men in my army waiting to move on my command."

"Begoora!" says Paddy. "I'll have to ring you back."

Sure enough, the next day, Paddy calls again. "Mr. Putin, the war is still on. We have managed to get us some infantry equipment!"

"And what equipment would that be Paddy?" Putin asks.

"Well, we have two combines, a bulldozer, and Murphy's farm tractor."

Putin sighs amused. "I must tell you, Paddy, that I have 60,000 tanks and 50,000 armoured personnel carriers. Also, I have increased my army to 1,500,000 since we last spoke."

"Saints preserve us!" says Paddy. "I'll have to get back to you."

Sure enough, Paddy rings again the next day. "Mr. Putin, the war is still on! We have managed to get ourselves airborne! We have modified Jackie McLaughlin's ultra-light with a couple of shotguns in the cockpit, and four boys from the Shamrock Bar have joined us as well!"

Putin was silent for a minute and then cleared his throat. "I must tell you, Paddy, that I have 1000 bombers and 2000 fighter planes. My military bases are surrounded by laser-guided, surface-to-air missile sites. And since we last spoke, I have increased my army to 2,000,000!"

"Jesus, Mary, and Joseph!" says Paddy, "I will have to ring you back."

Sure enough, Paddy calls again the next day. "Good mornin', Mr. Putin! I am sorry to inform you that we have had to call off the war."

"Really? I am sorry to hear that," says Putin. "Why the sudden change of heart?"

"Well," says Paddy, "we had a long chat over a few pints of Guinness, and we decided there is no way we can feed 2,000,000 prisoners."