Joke

A plane is on its way to Toronto, when a blonde in economy class gets up, and moves to the first class section and sits down.

The flight attendant watches her do this, and asks to see her ticket.

She then tells the blonde that she paid for economy class, and that she will have to sit in the back.

The blonde replies, "I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, I'm going to Toronto and I'm staying right here."

The flight attendant goes into the cockpit and tells the pilot and the co-pilot that there is a blonde bimbo sitting in first class that belongs in economy, and won't move back to her seat.

The co-pilot goes back to the blonde and tries to explain that because she only paid for economy she will have to leave and return to her seat.

The blonde replies, "I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, I'm going to Toronto and I'm staying right here."

The co-pilot tells the pilot that he probably should have the police waiting when they land to arrest this blonde woman who won't listen to reason.

The pilot says, "You say she is a blonde? I'll handle this.  I'm married to a blonde. I speak blonde."

He goes back to the blonde and whispers in her ear, and she says, "Oh, I'm sorry." and gets up and goes back to her seat in economy.

The flight attendant and co-pilot are amazed and ask him what he said to make her move without any fuss.

I told her, "First class isn't going to Toronto."

Sunday, May 24th, 2015

I got up once during the night until the alarm went off at 7:30.  Teresa told me she wants to sleep so we will go to Envigado another day.  We finally got up at 8:45.

I refilled the hummingbird feeder with sugar water and repositioned it in a tree facing the finca.

Teresa watched a catholic mass on TV from noon to 12:30.

I took a nap from 2:30 to 3:30.

Teresa showed me some pretty yellow birds in the trees out back.

I tried to order more pepper spray from Amazon but my order was denied.  The reason given was that this product cannot be shipped outside of the US.

I watched a few more episodes of Mayday on TV and then The Walking Dead series on Netflix.

I took my sleeping pills at 10:45 and went to bed at 11pm.

T-shirt of the day: Not running sucks.

Saturday, May 23rd, 2015

I got up twice during the night finally waking/getting up at 8am.

Teresa talked to her sister Vicky who invited us to Santa Monica (neighborhood) to play bingo.  She told me we can return the dress another day.  I understand bingo is from 3pm to 5 or 6pm and I had her promise me we will return to the finca tonight and not stay overnight in Vicky’s house.

Laura left at 11:30 for her English lesson.

We left the finca at 12:25 and got past the killer dogs undetected.  We may have been helped by the sound of a helicopter flying overhead.  When we got to the bottom of the hill there was a large cement mixer with an attached nozzle to carry cement to the top of the overlooking hill.

After a 5 minute wait we were on a bus to Fredonia.  Traffic was very heavy and the bus took a couple side streets to get ahead of the expressway traffic.  We got off at Aguacatala where we quickly caught a Circular Sur 303 bus to Viva CC.  

We shared a Frischuleta, we each had chicken soup, I had cole slaw, Teresa had a mixed salad and we each had a drink for 38,400.

Teresa stopped downstairs at Nohelia where she picked up a business card so she can call for an appointment.  I understood she wants to have her hair or maybe her nails done tomorrow morning.

About 2:30pm I was surprised my cell phone read 12:35.  I reset it but it still didn’t update.

We took a taxi to the house across the street from Parque Ajedrez and arrived at 2:45.  We paid 24mil for 2 bingo cards and it also included a ziplock bag for each of us with a box of apple juice and a ham pastry inside.

They finally started at 3:25 and we left at 7:30.  There were only 3 games, 30-60 minutes each with long intermissions in between for talking, eating, drinking, and dancing.  Vicky wasn’t there; something about her son Samuel having (field) hockey practice but her husband Albero was the emcee of the evening calling off numbers and cracking a lot of jokes.

We took a taxi to Aguacatala where we caught a Caldas bus.  We got off before the usual Caldas bus stop and walked a couple blocks where we caught a Fredonia bus to the sideroad.

We got past the killer dogs undetected.

Teresa asked me to set the alarm for 7:30am.

I took my sleeping pills at 10:30 and we went to bed.

T-shirt of the day: Johnny Cash: Man in Black.

Friday, May 22nd, 2015

I got up twice during the night before the alarm went off at 4:30.  Teresa asked me to turn it off but she didn’t get up.  5 minutes later I got up, took my shower, had a small bowl of cereal, shaved and we were out the door by 5:45.

We left the finca at 5:55am and after we passed the neighbor’s house and were almost to the top of the hill, the killer dogs came out but they were too late.

We only had to wait 2 minutes for a Fredonia bus but traffic was heavy and we didn’t get to El Poblado until 7:30.  We took a taxi to Torre Medica where I paid 47mil for Teresa’s blood test.

We walked next door to Boulevard Café where we each had scrambled eggs, a chicken pastry and hot chocolate or coffee for 21,500.

After that we walked over to MBE just after they opened.  Thankfully they had my new Citibank ATM card and I wasn’t charged anything for it.  I’ll have to try to withdraw a little cash sometime in the near future to make sure it works.

We took a taxi to Santafe where I took out some cash from the Citibank ATM and Teresa waited in line at BanColombia to get money that her mother sent for Laura for a graduation trip to Cartagena.

We stopped in a pharmacy where I bought another bottle of generic Caladryl for 8,500 and another bottle of HialTears for 25,800.

Teresa found a dress at Zara for 129mil.  We had lunch in their food court: Teresa had fish from Patacon for 21,500 and I had a meatball sandwich from Subway for 11,200.

We took a taxi to Envigado and on the way I noticed a Chicago's Deep Dish Pizza restaurant at Calle 20 Sur #27-55.  At one point where the taxi driver had to make a left turn, where it wasn’t allowed, he made a right hand turn into a building parking lot, drove through the underground parking, and out the other side where he could now go straight ahead, in effect, accomplishing a clover leaf left hand turn.

In Envigado I added 50mil to my cell phone and we bought some things at Exito.

We took a taxi to the highway and after a 5 minute wait we were on a Fredonia bus.  Unfortunately it made a stop in downtown Caldas before continuing on to the finca.  On our way up the hill a car stopped on its way up and Teresa talked to someone named Mario.  I gave him 100mil which I understood was towards the repair of the side road with another equal payment due in June.

I was surprised when we got past the killer dogs undetected.

Among new US movie releases I would like to see are Tomorrowland (7.3), Poltergeist (6.2), The Farewell Party (7.5), and Sunshine Superman (7.5).

Locally, I would like to see Sunshine Superman (7.5) and Mad Max: Fury Road (8.8).

Teresa found something wrong with the dress so she wants to return it tomorrow.  I also forgot to buy floss so maybe we can take care of that also and I’ll try to find the Citibank in Caldas and take a little cash out using my new ATM card.

From 6-8pm I watched more episodes of the Oak Island Money Pit.

I took my sleeping pills at 9:30 and we went to bed at 9:45.

T-shirt of the day: We survive because we can love.

Joke

A guy is driving around the back woods of Tennessee and he sees a sign in front of a broken down shanty-style house: 'Talking Dog For Sale.' He rings the bell and the owner appears and tells him the dog is in the backyard.
The guy goes into the backyard and sees a nice looking Labrador Retriever sitting there.

“You talk?” he asks.

“Yep,” the Lab replies. After the guy recovers from the shock of hearing a dog talk, he says “So, what's your story?”

The Lab looks up and says, “Well, I discovered that I could talk when I was pretty young. I wanted to help the government, so I told the CIA. In no time at all they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders because no one figured a dog would be eavesdropping. I was one of their most valuable spies for eight years running.

But the jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't getting any younger so I decided to settle down. I signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security, wandering near suspicious characters and listening in. I uncovered some incredible dealings and was awarded a batch of medals.
Later I got married, had a mess of puppies, and now I'm just retired.”

The guy is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants for the dog.

“Ten dollars,” the guy says.

“Ten dollars? This dog is amazing! Why on earth are you selling him so cheap?”

“Because he's a liar. He never did any of that shit.”

Thursday, May 21st, 2015

I got up once at 4am and it appeared to have been raining all night.  Teresa informed me we would go for her blood test tomorrow morning so I went back to sleep.  I got up again at 7am finally waking/getting up at 8:30.

Laura got up at noon.  I guess she didn’t go to school because of the heavy rain.

Teresa went with Guillermo for awhile to fix the water discharge pipes so we couldn’t use the sinks or toilets for a while.

Teresa and I watched Triangle (6.9).     

At 6:50 it started raining again.

Interesting timing.  Even though I saw The imitation Game (8.1) in a theatre last year I watched it again tonight on Netflix.  Btw, its Spanish title, tranlated into English, is The Enigma Code.  There is a lot of fiction in that movie.  They made it sound like they only needed the words “climate” and “heil hitler” to break the code but that wouldn’t give them any of the Enigma settings: which wheels were being used or in what order or what the internal plug settings were.  They only got those by capturing code books from submarines or other naval vessels and the settings only covered a month or two.  And there were thousands of people working at Bletchley Park, many more than the 6 shown in the movie.  And while they were working on the naval codes, the army and air force had different enigma machines.

By 7:10 the rain was much harder and 3 minutes later Teresa unplugged the router.  3 minutes later she plugged it back in.  The rain stopped at 7:35.  It started again at 9:12, very hard.  Well, enough of the weather reports.  I’ll only mention it again if something unusual happens.

Teresa had me set my alarm clock to 4:30, she’s getting me up tomorrow at 5am and we’re leaving at 5:45.

I took my sleeping pills at 10:15pm and went to bed.

T-shirt of the day: Blah, Blah, Blah.  No Excuses.  Thank You.

Wednesday, May 20th, 2015

I didn’t sleep very well, getting up once at 2:45.  Laura woke us up at 4am and Teresa told me she wanted to go tomorrow so I relaxed and tried to get back to sleep.  At 5am she wakes me up and informs me that it’s supposed to rain tomorrow so she wants to go today; so get up.  I got up, had a quick small bowl of granola, dressed and we were out by 5:35, a few minutes behind Laura.  We got past the killer dogs undetected until I saw one of the large black dogs in a field on the other side of the barbed wire fence where I sometimes see Don Carlos’ horse.  For grins I raised my arms and screamed at him and he didn’t know where to go to get away from me.  

A minute later we passed Guillermo who was coming up the hill.

After a five minute wait we got on a bus that surprisingly was empty.  Teresa talked to the driver, I paid him 3 mil and we got off at the police check station by the crossroad to Caldas.  Teresa talked to an officer and I understood he told her we should catch a bus on the other road towards Caldas.  I saw Teresa shaking her head and the officer nodding his head so there was some disagreement there.  After 5 minutes we were on a crowded Barbara bus to El Poblado.  We took a taxi from there to Torre Medicas/CediMed across the street from Torre Intermedica.

We took an elevator up to an office and after a 5 minute wait she went in for her blood draw.

Back downstairs I noticed a Servibanca ATM machine so I wanted to try to see if it would have instructions in English and what maximum withdrawal it would allow.  It did have English instructions and I chose the 780mil option and surprisingly it gave it all to me in 20mil bills.  That’s a large stack of money but the small bills come in handy with taxis, buses, and small stores.

We walked across the street to Torre Intermedica where I waited in line for about 15 minutes to use their public washroom and then we went next door to a small restaurant, Boulevard Café, where Teresa had some scrambled eggs and a pastry with chicken inside and a hot chocolate and I had an apple spice muffin (again) with coffee for 15,500.  She also ordered 6 more chicken pastries to go and I added a package of Extra gum that they were selling for a total of 22,500.

We took a taxi to Aguacatala station and quickly were on a bus back to the finca.

The killer dogs came at us as we passed the neighbor’s house but all I had to do is raise my arms and scream and the black dog backed off.  We were back at the finca by 9:30am.

We took a nap from 9:45 to just before noon.

I received an email that I have “documents” waiting for me at MBE.  I sure hope that’s my Citibank credit card because I haven’t been able to access that account at all.

At 1:50 it started raining, 15 minutes later it had stopped.  At 2:30 it started thundering again just as Laura came back.  At 2:35 it started raining again.

I finished Hugh Sebag-Montefiore’s 457 page book Enigma: The Battle for the Code.  That Enigma coding machine was a very complicated machine.  I couldn’t even understand how it worked let alone how to break one.  Some interesting facts I took from the book:

Ian Fleming, author of the James Bond book series, suggested the British Navy stage a disabled german submarine with British sailors onboard to be rescued by a german ship.  Then the British Sailors would take over the capturing ship, retrieve their code books and sink both ships.

Submarine U-505, captured just 2 days before D-Day, has been on display in Chicago’s Museum of Science & Industry since 1954.  Per the internet The cipher materials captured on U-505 included the special "coordinate" code, the regular and officer Enigma settings for June 1944, the current short weather codebook, the short signal codebook, and bigram tables due to come into effect in July and August respectively.

Several other submarines and their crews were captured in the Atlantic.  My father, who served in the navy, was on a ship in the task force that captured one of them.  (I remember he served on destroyer escort USS Janssen, but that might not be the ship he was on at the time.  I recall him mentioning that one of the germans spoke good English and had dollars in his pockets so he was suspected to have been a spy to be dropped off in the US.)

I downloaded the 435 page book Riptide by Donald Preston.

Teresa got a call; something about her hemoglobin and I understand we have to go back to the clinic early tomorrow for another blood test.

Teresa and I watched Take Shelter (7.4) on Netflix.

I took my sleeping pills at 10pm and we went to bed.

T-shirt of the day: I can and I will.  Watch me.