Joke

Husband takes the wife to a disco.

There's a guy on the dance floor doing unbelievable moves - break dancing, moon-walking, back flips, everything.

The wife turns to her husband and says: "See that guy? 25 years ago he proposed to me and I turned him down."

Husband says: "And it looks like he's still celebrating!"

Monday, June 29th, 2015

I slept well, getting up once during the night and again at 8am.  I got up at 9am to watch the Today show.  At 10:50 I went back to bed until noon.

Teresa took me out to show me some plants next to the house.  Then she showed me a new wasp nest I hadn’t seen before.  I then showed her a wasp nest I had seen next to the roof.  I saw a wasp sitting on the gutter so I took a small broom and smacked it.  Teresa yelled “no” but I didn’t listen.  Not only did I not kill the wasp but about 3 others came out from the gutter and started swarming me.  I ran into the house but one of them got me on my left shoulder.  It started hurting a litle about 5-10 minutes later.  Teresa took a roll-on deodorant/antiperspirant and put it on what was starting to look like a small crater on my shoulder.  She told me I was lucky I had my shirt on because it didn’t get all of me.  She also said if 3 had stung me they would have taken me to the hospital.

Don Carlos came by and Teresa gave him 40mil, probably for trimming the garden.

I understood for something like 460,000 pesos, Don Carlos and his two sons are going to fix the path leading to the finca so Walter could drive his taxi all the way to the finca.

A few minutes later she told me she wants to call the muchacho (boy?) who built the finca and ask him how much it would cost to fix the path leading to the finca.

The muchacho’s name is Leonardo and he isn’t a boy anymore.  He arrived at 5:45 and he told Teresa that he could start around the 20^th of July and do the job for 1,000,000 pesos ($400).  Teresa and I talked about it and because I don’t know how much I’m going to need to help my son get here, and because I don’t want the path all torn up while he’s here, we will wait a while before committing to that date.

I took my Pasiflora drops at 11:30 and went to bed.

Sunday, June 28th, 2015

I slept well, waking/getting up at 6:45.

After a quick breakfast of cereal, we left the finca at 8:10.

When we got to the neighbor’s house the black dog was laying in the yard outside the fence and he didn’t get up, he just opened one eye and looked at us.

After only a 2 minute wait we were on a Salgar bus to El Poblado.  As we were getting there Teresa talked to the driver and I understood his next stop was at Terminal Sur, exactly where we wanted to be.  That saved us a taxi ride but meant I wasn’t going to be getting the sleeping pills I needed for tonight and tomorrow night.

There was an exercise class going on on the main level as we walked downstairs.  We went to window 30, paid 12 mil ($4.80) for both our tickets, met Ruby and her husband Fernando and were on a bus with no wait.

The bus left the terminal at 9:10, I slept for about an hour and we arrived at Tutucan at 10:45.

I was a little surprised to see what looked like a water park.  There was a very long line to purchase tickets but ahead there was a shorter line that we got into.  Actually the shorter line was probably just as long but its windows were just further ahead.  I paid 13,500 for my ticket and 20,000 for Teresa’s ticket.  I think I got a senior discount.  They put one of those paper bracelets on each of us.

There is a lot more to the park than just the rides for children.  I think the first line was for them and our bracelets just let us in the park.

Here are some pictures of the children's play area:

 
We walked up past several food areas finally settling on a tented area called Fonda Tipica where I had shish kebab, salad, frijoles, and a local soda and I forgot what Teresa had.  You can see her here ordering our lunch:

Afterwards Teresa found some coconut cookies for 2mil she remembered from when she was a young girl.  I remember 2 years ago Reina finding them in a downtown Exito when we were ordering Direct TV.  I tried a charcoal broiled corn-on-the-cob but it was pretty hard, not like the sweet corn they have in the States.

They had a little farm with a burro, llamas, goats, rabbits, and what looked like guinea pigs.

Some more pictures of areas we saw while we were walking around;

 
We walked to a courtyard where there were plastic chairs set up and entertainment on a stage at one end.  I recognized some songs: La Bamba, Mexican Hat Dance, theme songs for The Lone Ranger and Bananza but the most unusual music I recognized was Hava Nagila.  There was some dancing and a lot of skits which of course I didn’t understand.  We were there for 3 hours and I finally had enough and wanted to leave.

We walked back up to a food stand where I feel we wasted an hour.  Teresa wanted to buy some arepas con chocolo but they were sold out.  Then she waited for some tortas con chocolo to be made and Ruby had some mesa mora which she ended up spilling all over the table.

We finally left the park at 6pm and there was a very long line waiting for buses back to Medellin.   I took this picture when we were at about the midpoint of the line:

You might be able to see a bus in the distance.  

At 6:55 I figured that there were still enough people ahead of us to fill about 2 buses, so we were close.

A man came by with a clipboard calling for people wanting to go to Terminal Sur so we got lucky and got on a bus earlier than expected.  The bus picked up more people on the way and it became standing room only.  They had the roof vent open and it was cold until we got to Medellin.  I slept for another 30 minutes on the way.

At Terminal Sur we said goodbye to Ruby and Fernando and for 10mil each were quickly on a Rapido Ochoa bus back to the finca. 
Teresa informed me that she left her shorts on the other bus; she was using them as a pillow.

As we were passing the neighbor’s house the killer dogs came running out and the black dog ran right into my stream of pepper spray.  Hopefully, he’ll remember that and be more careful in the future.

Laura found Misery (7.8) on www.yaske.net but it started buffering every minute or so.  I closed all my other tasks and it improved although it occasionally buffered again.

I forgot to take my prostate medicine but at 1am I took my old Pasiflora drops and went to bed.

Joke

One day God was looking down at earth and saw all of the misbehavior

that was going on...

So He called His angels and sent one to earth for a while.

When the angel returned, he told God, 'Yes, it is bad on earth; 95% are misbehaving and only 5% are not.

God thought for a moment and said, 'Maybe I had better send down a second

angel to get another opinion.'

So God called another angel and sent her to earth for a time.

When the angel returned she went to God and said, 'Yes, it's true. The earth

is in decline; 95% are misbehaving, but 5% are being good...'

God was not pleased.

So He decided to e-mail the 5% who were good, because He wanted to

encourage them, and give them a little something to help them keep going.

Do you know what the e-mail said?

Okay, I was just wondering, because I didn't get one either.

Saturday, June 27th, 2015

I had trouble getting to sleep, got up twice during the night, finally waking/getting up at 9:30.

From 5 to 7pm I watched a history channel documentary 9/11 – State of Emergency, followed by The Man Who Predicted 9/11, and then 9/11 – The Miracle of Stairwell B.  Then it was Teresa’s turn to watch TV.

Tomorrow we plan on going to Tutucan so I set the alarm on my cell phone to 6:45am.

I took my sleeping pills at 11pm and went to bed at 11:30.

T-shirt of the day: No way.

Joke

After 20 years of marriage, a couple was lying in bed one evening, when the wife felt her husband begin to fondle her in ways he hadn’t in quite some time.

It almost tickled as his fingers started at her neck, and then began moving down past the small of her back.

He then caressed her shoulders and neck, slowly worked his hand down over her breasts, stopping just over her lower stomach.

He then proceeded to place his hand on her left inner arm, caressed past the side of her breast again, working down her side, passed gently over her buttock and down her leg to her calf. Then, he proceeded up her inner thigh, stopping just at the uppermost portion of her leg. He continued in the same manner on her right side, then suddenly stopped, rolled over and started to watch TV.

As she had become quite aroused by this caressing, she asked in a loving voice, “That was wonderful. Why did you stop?”

He said, “I found the remote control”.

Friday, June 26th, 2015

I slept well despite getting up twice during the night, finally waking/getting up at 8:30.

After my shower I counted 5 new bites because I wore shorts yesterday.

I only have 5 more sleeping pills left and I don’t expect to be in Envigado again until Tuesday so that’s 8 I will be needing until then.   Obviously I’ll be taking only one most nights.

Among new US movie releases I would like to see Escobar: Paradise Lost (6.6) and Big Game (5.7).  Locally, I would like to see Jurassic World (7.5) and Terminator Genisys (7.8).

For the last few weeks there’s been a wasp nest outside and this morning we found where they are building another one.  Teresa took a small plastic tub filled it with Fab and water and threw it on their nest.  I took the can of cockroach and spider spray and got one that was resting on the ceiling.

Again Teresa spent some time on the phone trying to get me a prostate exam.

After specifically asking, my ex finally replied that they (Mortgage Services) did receive my fax.

I watched Point and Shoot (6.8) on US Netflix.

At 10:30 I was showing Teresa that I only had 5 sleeping pills left for the next 4 nights and she took one and swallowed it.  That wasn’t the point I was trying to make.  She told me I could buy more when we are out on Sunday.

I took 2 sleeping pills at 11pm and went to bed.

T-shirt of the day: Life is better here.

Thursday, June 25th, 2015

Wow!  I slept through the night waking and getting up at 7am.  I vaguely remember looking at my watch around 5:30am and the next second, it seemed, the 7am alarm went off.

I put on my shorts, t-shirt and sandals and we left the finca at 8:40am.  We got past the killer dogs undetected but at the top of the hill I realized that I forgot to bring my Nook.

We only had to wait 5 minutes for a bus to Aguacatala.

We took a taxi and arrived at the Nueva eps at Calle 9C Sur #50FF-116 at 9:45.  (It’s actually just a block down the street from the Mobil station on Avenida 80.  We could walk it in a pinch.)  We took the elevator up to the 3^rd floor and had to wait a few minutes to talk to the receptionist. I noticed that their hours are Monday thru Friday 7:30am to 5pm.  She gave us number B126 and they were serving B076.  There were 9 stations serving customers but there were more prefixes than just “B”.  I also noticed “A, D, T, BA, BB, BD, and BT”.  It reminded me of the social security office I used to visit occasionally.  It was air conditioned which was nice for the first half hour but then it started feeling chilly.

I noticed an advertisement for an app named Nueva eps movil that I’ll probably check out.

At 11am I told Teresa that (the speed at which the numbers were moving) we would probably be there another hour.  At 11:30 she said she was hungry so she went out to find a little something to eat.  Wouldn’t you know it, as soon as she left they started going through the ‘B’ numbers more rapidly and I got a little nervous.  She came back 15 minutes later and they called our number at 12:05.  Teresa talked to the lady and we had to wait about 5 more minutes for her to print off 3 Service Authorizations.  In the meantime I saw a small cup with paper clips on another desk and I asked her what they are called in Spanish.  She answered “clips”.  I snuck two of them because I don’t have any back at the finca.

We took a taxi to Los Molinos where Teresa had chicken breast with a salad and I had a chicken salad at Frisby for a total of 46,100.  As we were entering the food court a man gave us a flyer advertising a Colombian lunch at McDonald’s for 7,900 ($3.20): a chicken leg, frijoles, a salad, rice, French fries and a Coke.

We stopped at an ATM machine and I took out the last 200mil from my checking account.

We stopped at Exito and bought a set of about 30 eggs.

On the ride back to Aguacatala I noticed 3 motorcycles riding between cars much faster than usual.  A minute later an SUV came by honking his horn and trying to get between the cars in each lane.  I told Teresa maybe he’s trying to get his pregnant wife to the hospital.  The driver told me that 4 motorcycles robbed the SUV and he’s trying to catch them.

We quickly were on a bus back to the finca but the bus seemed like it couldn’t go over 20 miles per hour.

At the side road we saw that they have started paving the new road.  We got past the killer dogs before they came out.

In the App Store on my Ipad I entered “nueva eps” and it completed “móvil” but then it said “no results for nueva eps móvil”.  What is that about?

Teresa started making calls for appointments and had the usual problems of busy signals, no answers, and voice mails.  That’s why we need to add such large amounts like 50mil to my cell phone.

I watched a low budget film called Primer (7.0).

I took prostate pill at 8:30, my sleeping pills at 10pm and went to bed.

Calories: Tiny creatures that live in your closet and sew your clothes a little bit tighter every night.

Wednesday, June 24th, 2015

I slept well, waking up at 6am, getting up once at 7am, finally waking/getting up at 8:20am.

We left the finca at 10:15 and the killer dogs were waiting for us although they didn’t enter the path until we had passed.

As we were coming down the side hill we saw a TraTam bus go by but we caught an Amaga bus right away.  We got off in Envigado and took a taxi up the hill to Nueva eps.  It was 11:15 and we took number 13 and they were serving number 43 so we knew we would have a long wait.

We had lunch for 20,500 at Carbón de Leña.  We stopped and added 50mil to my cell phone.  Back at Nueva eps they were serving number 82.  Teresa stayed there with my Cedula and I visited 4 internet stores before I found one that would fax my letter to the US (4mil).  (From the west end of Parque Envigado go south one block past the old city hall and the internet café is on the righthand corner on the same side.)

Back at Nueva eps they were serving number 95.  I went to the cheap pharmacy Todo Drogas where I bought another month’s supply of Tamsulosin for 36,900.  Back at Nueva eps they were serving number 1.

Teresa asked me to buy a juice for us and since I had seen a Cosechas I bought a large one for 4,900.  When I got back to Nueva eps they were serving number 3.  I think it might be a good idea for me to wear my shorts, t-shirt and sandals whenever we visit this place.

At 2:05 it was finally out turn.  We were sent downstairs to a back waiting area where Teresa talked to a woman who was literally sorting sets of papers.  At one point she gave Teresa a stack and I believe she may have been looking for one with my name on it.

After more conversation and another trip up front I understood tomorrow we have to go to the Nueva eps near the liquor factory by the Aguacatala metro station.

We stopped at a store where Teresa bought some nail polish and then we picked up a few things from Exito for 57,630.

We stopped at Cosechas again and shared another juice.  We stopped at the tailors where Teresa gave her some material to make something.

We took a taxi to the highway where we soon were on a bus to the finca.  I had the last seat although there was a piece of paper claiming it for someone named Ruby Gallego.  Teresa sat in the cab area over the transmission.  After a few stops Ruby got on and I moved to the cab area and Teresa sat on the entry steps.

At the side road we see that they have a rough road plowed up to the top of the hill by the highway.  Teresa talked to a man working there for several minutes and then I understood they won’t be paving the side road as I believe they may be building a separate road up to the fincas.

The killer dogs were waiting for us but the rottweiler didn’t come out from behind the fence and the other dog doesn’t have the courage to come out onto the trail without him.

I finished Douglas Preston’s 382 page The Relic and downloaded his 420 page The Reliquary.

I started watching Leviathan (5.7) but the beginning was so slow I gave up so I watched Killing Them Softly (6.2) instead.

I took my prostate pills at 8:30, my sleeping pills at 11pm, set my alarm to 7am and went to bed at 11:30.

Tuesday, June 23rd, 2015

I slept well until I got up to use the bathroom at 5:30am.  After that I just rested until finally getting up at 8:45am.

Ruby, the lady we met at Nueva eps the past Friday June 12^th, called again and invited us to Tutucan for this Sunday.  Teresa said it isn’t expensive.

Teresa didn’t want me taking my fanny pack or tech bag so I removed my money, Cedula, a bandaid, and the directions to the doctor and put them in my shirt pocket.  Unfortunately, I forgot to take my cell phone.

The three of us left the finca at 2:10 and the killer dogs seemed to be waiting for us.  We kept them away with the help of a couple well thrown rocks.

At the highway we waited 10 minutes for a bus.  Laura took a bus to Caldas and Teresa and I took the minivan that was right behind it.  We ended up sitting in the front seat with another man and the driver.  One nice thing, it had air conditioning.  Teresa talked to the driver and then wrote down a telephone number; something about a driver to Jardin.

At El Poblado we took a taxi to MBE.  I picked up Teresa’s “hot belt”, my June Chess Life magazine and a couple pension deposit receipts.  I paid 11,400 which was probably for the “hot belt” but I was surprised they didn’t ask me to pay June’s MBE rental.  I was glad because I don’t have a lot of cash left for the month.

Right next door a new store opened up a week before named Natural Juices and Smoothies.  I tried a Honey Moments (apple, strawberry, pineapple, radish, and orange) and Teresa tried a Passion Fruit (apple, grape, strawberry, blackberry, beet, radish, and tomato (tree)) for 5,500 each ($2.20).  They were very tasty and because they were so cold they took a while to drink.  I   Another man who works there lived in Brooklyn and spoke good English.  While we were still there an elderly couple came in and ordered drinks.  They were from Oregon.

We took a taxi to Torre Medica in El Tesoro and went up to Dr. Jorge Rendon Franco’s new office (1238).  We were 20 minutes early but he was just finishing with a patient and I got in right away.  I told him one of my newer jokes – about the Martian couple - and then I told him about my tooth problem.  At first it was sensitive to hot and cold, then to pressure when eating and then after taking an Excedrin Migraine for two days all the discomfort went away.  He checked the tooth and since he could find no sensitivity at all so the nerve/tooth might be necrotic (dead).  He said it also looks like I might be grinding my teeth while sleeping and might need to wear an orthotic device at night.  I told him I was told the same thing when I was in the US.  He filed a little off my tooth and the one opposite it, told me to get my teeth cleaned (we planned to do it cheaper by a regular dentist in Envigado; his charge would be 130mil) and come back in a week.  I paid 80mil and we made an appointment for July 8^th at 4pm.

We took a taxi to El Poblado station.  This time I asked the taxi driver which station is closer to El Tesoro mall, El Poblado or Aguacatala.  I understood that the drive to Aguacatala is more complicated.  We only waited 5 minutes for a bus but unfortunately it made a stop in Caldas.  We got off at the side road at 6:45, when it was already pretty dark.  The killer dogs seemed to hear us coming and gave us a real hard time getting past the neighbor’s house.  The stick I was carrying seemed to infuriate them even more.

Laura came back at 8:30.

I watched Life of Crime (5.8) on the US Netflix.

I took my prostate pill at 9:15, took my sleeping pills at 11:15pm and went to bed at 11:30.

Joke

Three 3rd Graders: an Irish kid, an Italian kid and a Black kid, are on the playground at recess. The Irish kid suggests they play a new game. "Let's see who has the largest weenie," he says.

"Okay." They all agree.

The Irish kid pulls down his zipper and takes it out.

"That's nothing," says the Italian kid. He takes his out, and proudly shows that his is longer by at least an inch.

Not to be outdone, the Black kid takes his out. It is by far, not only the biggest, but the fattest.

That night, eating dinner at home, the Black kid's mother asks him what he did at school today.

"Oh, we worked on a science project, had a math test, and read out loud from a new book, and then during recess, my friends and I played a new game called “Let's see who has the biggest weenie."

"What kind of game is that, honey?" asks the mother.

"Well, me, Anthony and Patrick each pulled out our weenies, and I had the biggest! The other kids say it's because I'm black. Is that true?”

 "No, Leroy. It's because you're eighteen."

Monday, June 22nd, 2015

I slept pretty well, only getting up once during the night, finally waking/getting up at 9am.

Teresa and I took a nap from 3:15 to 4:30.

Natalia called and I understand I’m back in the nueva eps computer system.

My ex told me she deposited the $20 and I verified by logging into my account online.

I watched The Girl on the Train (4.3).  It wasn’t connected at all to the same titled book I read some months ago.  I thought it was better (6 stars) than the IMDB reviewer’s 4 stars as I didn’t have any trouble keeping the 3 parallel stories separate.

Colombia is playing the US for the American’s Cup in Women’s Soccer.  I thought the game was starting at 9pm but when I checked again it started at 7pm so I missed the first half tied at 0-0.  The US ended up winning 2-0.

I watched The Interview (6.7) on Netflix, took my sleeping pills at 11pm and went to bed.

Sunday, June 21st, 2015

Happy Fathers Day!

I got up once during the night, didn’t check the time but couldn’t really sleep after that.  The alarm went off at 6am and Teresa told me she didn’t sleep well and wants to get up at 7am.  (That’s not the first time she’s done that!)  I told her that she told me we have to get up early because we’re going a long way.  I told her she can sleep on the bus.  Finally, she got up, we showered, had a quick breakfast and left the finca at 7:25.

It seemed like the killer dogs were waiting for us but the three of us kept them away.

On the way down the hill we were joined by Don Carlos and his dog and I learned her name is Malu.  I gave her my last dog biscuit.

We were on a bus after only a 5 minute wait.  The bus was full but we got seats a few minutes later when some people got off at the Caldas crossroads.

At the La Estrella metro station I used my plastic metro cards for entrance.

We took the metro 15 stops north to the Caribe station, walked the block to the North Terminal, found window 14 and bought our tickets for 12,500 COP ($5) each.  You won’t find any 2-hour bus rides in the US for $5.  We purchased our tickets at 9am and the bus left at 9:10.  The seats were two across separated by an aisle; Teresa and I sat together and Laura ended up sitting next to a gringo a couple rows back.  He was probably in his mid to late 20s and I found out later he is from England and teaches English at a university in Medellin.

I managed to sleep for probably an hour of the two hour trip.

We arrived in Guatape at 11am.

First, we had our traditional lunch in La Fogata for 73mil.  I took an Excedrin Migraine and then I had the ribs and Teresa and Laura each had some type of fish – trout I think it was.

At my encouragement, we walked back across the street to the bus station we bought tickets for 5pm for our return to Medellin.

Unlike the other times I was here there were vendor canopies set up all along the sidewalk on the lake side.  I noticed one of them was called, translated from Spanish, the Palace of Cholesterol.  As we were walking along, we passed a young woman who had her back to us.  She was in short shorts and had great legs and a great butt.  As we walked past I heard her talking to her friends and caught a glimpse at her profile and I understood it was a man.  Lol.  Probably a transsexual.

At the end of town, Laura and I had a 30 minute horseback ride for 20mil ($8).  Teresa had done it before when we visited here and wasn’t interested.

We took a mini taxi (similar to a golf cart) to El Penol for 5mil ($2).  I tried to get Laura to climb the rock but she didn’t want to go alone and I wasn’t going to do that again.  

We walked around the area and stopped at Restaurante La Piedra for a drink.  An America Cup game was going on between Peru and Colombia which had almost everyone’s attention.  We then took another mini taxi back to Guatape.

Laura and I then rode their zipline (Cable Vuelo Guatape) for 24mil.  First they got her setup in her seat, then they put me in a separate seat in front of her and tied us together.  Then they added another young lady who ended up sitting in front of us.  Then they dragged us over the lake to the other side where they have a tower.  Just before we arrived I look back over my shoulder and was surprised to see a young man who works there attached behind Laura, so there were 4 of us together.

At the tower, they unhooked each of us and then sent the girl in front of me on her way.  They they told me to raise my legs and they gave me a shove.  I should have timed the ride – was it only 30 seconds or maybe a full minute to the other side.  When I got back to the other side I was surprised that I hit some exercise mats that were hung up to stop me.

We went across the street where we had a fresh juice at Cosechas.

We walked around the pueblo where it seemed all TV sets were turned to the Peru vs Colombia game.  At one point we passed a bar where people were standing in the street watching the game.  I noticed a young man, I think probably a gringo, who had a map of America tattooed on his left arm and it looked like the rest of the world may have continued under his t-shirt.  Btw, the game ended 0-0; how exciting!

Back at the bus station we had almost an hour until our 5pm bus.  We were very glad we already had our tickets because there were a lot of people at the station and there was a line to buy tickets.

The bus left at 5:05 and I rested my eyes most of the way back to Medellin.  We arrived back at the station just before 7pm.  We walked to the Caribe station and I used my metro cards but, after Teresa got entry, I found I only had something like 1,600 pesos left on each.  I think what happened is the metro fee this year went up from 1,900 pesos to 2,000 pesos so I didn’t have enough left for the last entry on each.  I did have the separate tickets I bought the day of the communion so I used two of those.

We got off the metro at Aguacatala and after a 10 minute wait we caught a direct bus back to the finca.

The killer dogs heard us coming so we didn’t even bother to turn off our flashlights.  We got back to the finca by 8:15.

I received an email from my son Jim that he is coming for a visit with his friend Michael early this August.  Yeah!

I took my prostate pill at 9:30, took my sleeping pills at 10pm and went to bed.