Almost scared to start this thread, but I would like to hear
from others out there. It is for the men that have married Colombian women and
have her family close by, (mother-in-laws), etc. Do you have any issues about
expecting gifts, loans or anything unusual.
Spank 12; 3/19/14
The family is a Colombian's FIRST priority. I have had
difficulty with this, being English. I had a dispute with my sister-in-law 18
years ago and she still holds a grudge, and it is uncomfortable when she is in
the house. The family thinks it has the rights to call whenever, eat whenever,
etc etc. I personally don't like it, because I CHOOSE the friends I want to
have round me, and not a load of Primos, tios and sobrinos!! I usually advise
people to marry their own race - there aren't so many problems.
Mawdsjeff
Hmmm, interesting theme for a thread. I can imagine the
responses could be very wide-ranging, and varied. I don't have any problems
like that personally, as the in-laws are pretty secure themselves. But I can
understand where you are coming from, and maybe the answer lies in the
background of the family into which you have married. From the experiences of
those guys who I have known to marry Colombian girls, I have found that the
ones from the wealthier families don't need assistance, but sometimes marry
American or English men for a visa to a better country with better
opportunities and simply a better quality of life. Once settled, you can see
the temptation in their eyes to seek a way of moving the whole family to the
US/UK to join the daughter. But from the poorer families, I have seen the
encouragement from the family, for getting the daughter married to a wealthier
American or Englishman, with the ultimate aim of securing financial help for
the family. This can come from many aspects, either by sending money home each
week, persuading the man to help with loans, gifts, sudden and unexpected
medical bills, help to start a business, or even the dreaded divorce, followed by
hefty maintenance claims. Of course, some of the families don't even need to
encourage the daughter, for some girls are quite mercenary enough on their own,
without the help of their family. I have seen many guys who have been ripped
off deliberately and mercilessly, then on to the next guy. But I have also
known marriages where it has worked very well. No demands, no ulterior motive,
no rip-offs for the Colombian girl does have a reputation for having values
which we from the "civilized" countries lost many years ago. Things
like family, religion, morals and high personal values are still important, and
evident in many girls. But this is changing, and over the past few years I have
seen a change in attitudes. Talking with many girls, I see how they have been
exploited by the sex tourism industry, guys coming down from the USA for a dirty
weekend, on the pretext of looking for a wife. Many of these guys are already
married in the US,
and literally get the girls into bed by deception, then often leave them
pregnant, and their contact details turn out to lead to a dead end. So I have
heard of many girls who are now doing it to the guys. Yes, sure, they will be
all nice and play the shy virginal bride to be, then the next thing the guy
hears is that she is pregnant, and wants maintenance for the kid. When you hear
that the girl is playing the same trick on maybe 20 different guys, you have to
laugh, and can't really blame them, after all those years the guys have played
the girls at exactly the same game. They are now getting their own back. So, I
can't even guess what other stories your question might prompt the other guys
to tell of, but I am sure there are many different tales good and bad. As I
said, an interesting thread.
ElinglesLoco
I think this thread has a good sense of realities in the
Colombian spectrum way of life. I would hate to blast any mother-in-law or
wretched person who believes that we are their personal bank account but since
this is a family oriented culture you surely will be marrying the family,
primos, and so on. I ran into a scenario where family members were asking the
girlfriend of mine to ask me for things. How did I find out: well, let me tell
you some things are just plain stupid to ask for and we will leave it as such.
As in previous posts, money sure becomes a hot topic when you don't have it.
Furthermore, you don't want to go shopping with the family if you know what I
mean. This mentality is brought forth in not having any money. Sadly, it is a
learned behavior from somewhere and I usually say "no tengo". The
professional women or women from money will not even bother as they will buy
you things or pick up the bill sometimes. Refreshing isn't it? With that being
said, the scammers are present but it really doesn't surprise me residing here
for a few years. People who presume that we should be rewarding the in laws
with gifts have to understand we don't recognize that culture as we are foreign
to it. Albeit, I have learned that one can purchase small gifts and still get
around that issue. A gift is a gift. Someone who insists on the gifts will be
cut off from me as that is just plain rude as they are attempting to take
advantage of me. I keep my money in my accounts or close to me. However, bad habits
are hard to break sometimes, and especially when they bat their Latino eyes at
you. lol. In laws, are a different
animal. It all depends how much you are vested in this type of relationship and
the resources you have at your disposal. Some potential mother-in-laws are real
sweethearts here and yes, the small percentage of bad apples should not deter
you from having a happy life here.
Soystar1
I am in the same boat as El inglés Loco. My in laws can
support themselves and haven't asked for anything. They have made some needs
known from time to time and their children usually pitch in to support them. My
brother-in-laws and I do little things from time to time but do our best to
stay out of family politics. And Soystar mentioned with some common sense you
can usually figure out when / if someone is really in need. But even if they do
really need it I find it is always better to help everyone else help the other
person and not to be the hero. 1. it will build up expectations from others. 2.
others will expect you to do the same for them and 3. others will usually think
your a pompous prick because you are flaunting your money. On a side note I
have given loans to family and friends knowing full well I would never get the
money back. I was asked / expected to give more but I never lent them a single
cent more. Some resented not getting more or just had no more use for me and I
never heard from them again (this includes friends from the USA) and others
understood I gave them enough already and respected me that I didn't lend them
more. Tough love is what I think works best in these situations. But your
usually damned if you do and damned if you don't so don't get too worked up
over it
Masterita
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