Joke

A little old lady went into the Bank of America one day carrying a bag of money. She insists that she must speak with the President of the bank to open a savings account because it's a lot of money.

They finally get her into the president’s office and he asks her how much she would like to deposit. She says she has $165,000 and then dumps it out of the bag onto his desk. The president was surprised and of course curious as to how she came by all this cash, so he asks her. The old lady says, "I make bets."

The president replies, "Bets? What kind of bets?" and she says, "For example, I'll bet you $25,000 that your balls are square."

"Ha!" says the president, "That's a stupid bet, you can never win that kind of bet."

The old lady says, "So, would you like to take my bet?"

"Sure," says the president, "I'll bet $25,000 that my balls are not square!"

The little old lady says, "OK, but since there is a lot of money involved is it OK with you if I bring my lawyer with me tomorrow at 10:00 AM to witness?"

"Sure," says the president.

That night the president got very nervous about the bet and spent a long time in front of a mirror checking his balls, turning from side to side, again and again, thoroughly checking them out until he was sure that there is no way his balls are square and that he will win the bet.

The next morning at 10 AM the little old lady appears with her lawyer at the president's office. She introduces the lawyer to the president and repeats the bet, that $25,000 says the president's balls are square. The president agrees with the bet again and the old lady asks him to drop his pants so they can see. The president does this.

The little old lady looks closely at his balls and then asks if she can feel them.

"Well, OK" says the president, $25,000 is a lot of money, so I guess you should be absolutely sure."

Then he notices that the lawyer is quietly banging his head against the wall and he asks the old lady, "What is wrong with your lawyer?"

She replies, "Nothing, except I bet him $100,000 that by 10 AM today I'd have The Bank of America's president's balls in my hands!"

Saturday, May 30th, 2015

I slept well, getting up twice during the night, finally getting up at 8:45.

Laura left at 7am.

A little late I found the Chicago White Sox vs Houston Astros game on an unusual channel.

Teresa told me she wants to go to church in Envigado tomorrow but I don’t know if she’s ready seeing as she can’t keep her eyes open and naps throughout the day.  The problem is that I’ve started napping with her so I wonder if I will sleep well tonight.

Teresa told me that the boy should be coming Wednesday to fix the leaky roof.

We watched The Babadook (6.9) and then Last Chance Harvey (6.7).

I took my sleeping pills at 10:30 and went to bed.

Joke

A young couple decided to get married. As the big day approached, they grew apprehensive. Each had a problem they had never before shared with anyone, not even each other.

The Groom-to-be, hoping to overcome his fear, decided to ask his father for advice. "Father," he said, "I am deeply concerned about the success of my marriage."

His father replied, "Do you love this girl?"

"Oh yes, very much," he said," but you see, I have very smelly feet, and I'm afraid that my fiancé will be put off by them."

"No problem," said dad, "all you have to do is wash your feet as often as possible, and always wear socks, even to bed." Well, to him this seemed a workable solution.

The bride-to-be, overcoming her fear, decided to discuss her problem with her mom. "Mom," she said, "When I wake up in the morning my breath is truly awful."

"Honey," her mother consoled, "everyone has bad breath in the morning."

"No, you don't understand. My morning breath is so bad, I'm afraid that my fiancé will not want to sleep in the same room with me."

Her mother said simply, "In the morning, get straight out of bed, and head for the kitchen and make breakfast. While the family is busy eating, go to the bathroom and brush your teeth. The key is, not to say a word until you’ve brushed your teeth."

"I shouldn't say good morning or anything?" the daughter asked.

"Not a word," her mother affirmed.

"Well, it's certainly worth a try," she thought.

The loving couple were finally married. Not forgetting the advice each had received, he with his perpetual socks and she with her morning silence, they managed quite well. That is, until about six months later. Shortly before dawn one morning, the husband wakes with a start to find that one of his socks had come off. Fearful of the consequences, he frantically searches the bed. This, of course, wakes his bride and without thinking, she asks, "What on earth are you doing?"

"Oh, my god," he replies, "you've swallowed my sock!"

Friday, May 29th, 2015

I slept pretty well despite getting up twice during the night and it raining all night.  I finally woke/got up at 8:45.

Among the latest US movie releases I would like to see San Andreas (6.6).

Locally I would like to see San Andreas (6.6) now playing at El Tesoro and Mad Max: Fury Road (8.7) playing at Oviedo.

My cell phone isn’t working this morning.  No matter how I reposition by sim card I get either an “invalid sim”, “insert sim” or “emergency” message.

We tried putting Teresa’s old sim card in my cell phone and it seemed to be recognized but we can’t place any calls because she doesn’t have any money on it.

We recharged Teresa’s old cell phone and put my sim card in it and it finally worked.  The problem with her old cell is that the ringer is so low that you can hardly hear it when you have a call coming in.  So, basically we can make calls but not receive them.

I received an email from MBE in Miami and I think they accepted my purchase receipt.  Even though I’ve since received a .jpg copy from the seller it’s good to know that a photo copy will work in the future.

Teresa and I took a nap from 1:50 to 4.  Laura came back at 2pm.

Teresa wanted to watch a movie so I put on Malena (7.5).  Teresa didn’t like the first 30 seconds so she asked Laura who found The Bag Man (5.3) on Yaske.net.  But for every minute of viewing it clocked for a minute so she switched to A History of Violence (7.5) but we couldn’t view more than the trailer.  I switched back to Malena (7.5) and Teresa loved it.

Afterwards, Laura found Skin Trade (6.0) on Yaske.net and we watched the first 25 minutes of it.

I received an email from the “short sale” lawyer: “FYI: Irina asked me to cancel the short sale for the property.  She wants to pursue different options.”  I wonder what they might be.

I took my sleeping pills at 11pm and went to bed.

T-shirt of the day: Sunday you are my crème de la crème.  (This is the last of my list of t-shirts.  I hope to find more next trip to Envigado or Medellin.)

Joke

Men: know what they want to be doing five years down the road.
Guys: are not sure what they want to be doing later tonight.

Men: read Crichton, watch Dan Rather, play golf.
Guys: read King, watch Seinfeld, play poker.

Men: wear ties with stripes, shirts with buttons, and shoes with laces.
Guys: wear high school T-shirts they've actually owned since high school.

Men: think perfume (yours) is a turn-on.
Guys: think sweat (theirs) is a turn-on.

Men: balance their checkbooks.
Guys: balance their loans so that they never hit up the same buddy twice in a row.

Men: claim to be feminist but still insist on opening doors, driving, and paying for dinner.
Guys: claim to be feminists so they can let YOU open doors, drive, and pay for dinner.

Men: are afraid of becoming their fathers.
Guys: are afraid of becoming men.

Men: put you on the phone when their mothers call.
Guys: pretend you're not there when their moms call.

Men: start their own businesses.
Guys: quit their jobs.

Men: are experts on women's erogenous zones.
Guys: are experts on their own erogenous zone.

Men: order wine based on more than the price.
Guys: bring their own beer.

Thursday, May 28th, 2015

I slept well, getting up once during the night, finally waking/getting up at 8:30.

I watched the Today show from 9-10:45, followed by Seinfeld from 10:45 to 11:35.

I received an email from Amazon that they sent my request to the seller.

For the purchase receipt MBE only allows photo file types like .jpeg so I used my iPad to take a photo of my receipt on my laptop screen, emailed myself the photo and saved the download file.  I attached it using the Browse button on the MBE website along with the total amount of the purchase – 18.99.  It isn’t perfectly clear but I hope that is sufficient for them to release the package from Miami.  I quickly received an email from MBE so I’m hopeful what I sent them satisfied their request.

At 1pm I was surfing TV channels and on BEISHD (1682) I found my Chicago White Sox playing the Baltimore Orioles.

I finally beat Roy’s Castle in Super Mario Bros.  Now it’s onward to Chocolate Island.

We watched Friday the 13^th (5.6).

I finally called my daughter and talked to her for an hour.  I was kind of dreading it because, as expected, she started crying when I asked her when she was going to come for a visit.

I took my sleeping pills at 10pm and went to bed.

T-shirt of the day: I want to chill in the sun.

Joke

After having their 11th child, an Alabama couple decided that was enough (they could not afford a larger doublewide trailer). So, the husband went to his doctor (who also treated mules) and told him that he and his wife/cousin didn't want to have any more children.

The doctor told him there was a procedure that could fix the problem.

The doctor instructed him to go home, get a cherry bomb (fireworks are legal in Alabama), light it, put it in a beer can, then hold the can up to his ear and count to 10.

The Alabamian said to the doctor, "I may not be the smartest man, but I don't see how putting a cherry bomb in a beer can next to my ear is going to help me."

So, the couple drove to Georgia to get a second opinion. The Georgia physician was just about to tell them about the procedure for a vasectomy when he noticed that they were from Alabama. This doctor instead told the man to go home and get a cherry bomb, light it, place it in a beer can, hold it to his ear and count to 10.

Figuring that both learned physicians couldn't be wrong, the man went home, lit a cherry bomb and put it in a beer can. He held the can up to his ear and began to count.

"1, 2, 3, 4, 5 . . . . ", at which point he paused, placed the beer can between his legs and resumed counting on his other hand.

Wednesday, May 27th, 2015

I slept well, getting up once during the night and again at 5:45.  When I came back to bed I told Teresa that Laura didn’t seem to be up.  I understood from her reply Laura; school; Envigado; 9am.

I finally woke/got up at 8:20.

Teresa woke up with a cold.

Laura came back at 12:30 with 2 loaves of bread: a small Integral for 2,700 ($1.08) and a large Cereales for 4,800 ($1.92).

For about an hour in the afternoon the dogs were going crazy as if there was another dog down the hill.  When Teresa got up from a nap she asked me to put Peter in the shed.  I got a large dog biscuit but when I picked up Peter I must have grabbed him by his wounded leg and he bit my thumb and index finger.  I couldn’t drop him because he would have really gotten hurt which gave him more time to bite me before I could set him down.  Teresa couldn’t figure out what was happening as I ran inside and put my fingers under cold water.  I was amazed when I inspected the damage a couple minutes later to see that he never broke the skin so it was hard to see that he had even bit me. (The next day it was a little black & blue under my thumbnail.)

I found some good jokes on the internet but it wouldn’t allow me to just do a cut & paste so I had to retype all of them.

I received an email from MBE that the Hot Shapers belt was in Miami but I had to provide a copy of the purchase receipt.  The only problem is that MBE provides a link for an attachment and all I have is an email copy.  I sent an email to Amazon requesting a copy as an attachment.

The reply I received said that they couldn’t send the invoice in an email because it contained sensitive information.  They suggested I print out the original invoice.  My reply was that they sent it by email the first time and the information isn’t more sensitive now.  And even if I could print it out I don’t know how I could attach the paper to the MBE link.  After a couple of back and forths I requested to have my request forwarded to their supervisor.

Teresa took several naps during the day.

I took my sleeping pills at 10:30 and went to bed at 11pm.

T-shirt of the day: Define girlfriend.

A Tale of Several Cities

Peter Day Global business correspondent

• 20 May 2015

Suddenly, the mayor of Medellin got excited. He sped across his office where we had been talking and we clambered up a spiral staircase that took us right on top of the mayoral building: floor 12 or 13, where the helicopters land. He wanted to show off the city he is so proud of. The city that was, 25 years ago, the murder capital of the world.

The long hills form a steep river valley by which this booming place is constrained. Lit up by the sunset, Anibal Gaviria spoke at a rapid pace about the sense of open hilltop he wanted to preserve, even as the city expands by crawling ever higher up the hillside.
The remark that spurred this outburst of enthusiasm had been mine. We'd been standing in front of one of those huge aerial views that are the traditional feature of a mayor's office.
Visitors can learn a lot from them very quickly. For example, how rivers both unite and separate a city.

Medellin's mayor, Anibal Gaviria, is excited about the change in his city

If you take a planner's view of the map, they create clear boundaries along which to run divisions of counties or countries. But (depending on water, flow and climate) they are also great uniters of people: natural thoroughfares between places along the river banks.
Impassable in summer, Siberian rivers become crossing points when they freeze over in the winter, In other words, the landscapes and cityscapes hung up on the wall of the mayor speak to you. City planners and administrators ought to listen to their cities.
That was the (not very profound) observation that so animated the mayor of Medellin. And when we got right on top of his building he showed me the long narrow valley which defines his city. A river constrained by concrete banks rushes through the middle, abused by generations of industrialisation and waste disposal. That may be changing, though.

Drug cartels

Medellin is a city with a story to tell, and it is not altogether pleasant. Early in the 20th century it was a centre of gold mining and coffee growing.
Then the mine owners and the coffee barons discovered entrepreneurial talents. They went into manufacturing: textiles, iron and steel, turning the place into Colombia's second city.
Rather later, in an abundant climate, came the industrialisation of drugs. It was similar organisational talents applied to narcotics grown in the mountains. In the 1980s the so-called Medellin Cartel became a fearful consortium dominating the processing and distribution of cocaine to vast markets in the cities of the USA. The drug lords were hugely powerful, seemingly more so than the government of Colombia.
The kingpin was Pablo Escobar, worth an estimated $25bn (£16bn). But who could possibly know? In 1986, he made headlines by offering to pay off the whole of his country's national debt: $13bn.
But eventually Escobar surrendered to the authorities in 1990, confining himself to a luxurious sort of prison, from which he escaped two years later. He was shot down after a huge security force manhunt the next year.
You can still see little badges bearing Escobar's image on Colombian taxis, but the power of the drugs cartel began to weaken as the trade moved north to Mexico, with equally slaughterous results.

Medellin's cable car is one of the changes that have helped the city's suburbs

And inspired by a succession of clever mayors, Medellin began to tell a different story. No longer the world's murder capital, the city became the place that had moved away from that grim reputation.
The policy wonk's name for the process is "social urbanisation", which a non wonk might characterise as taking marginalised people seriously. An early symbol was the city's first (as well as Colombia's first) metro line, clean and reliable, which went into service 20 years ago.
But a metro in a city hemmed in by such steep hills is not much use for most of the people, particularly those recent incomers forced to live in what are politely called informal neighbourhoods: shanty towns, slums, favelas. When the flat bits of the city were all taken, they colonised the hillsides, pushing higher and higher with homemade rickety properties along snaky lanes.
The steepness and the distance down effectively cut them off from the rest of the city. They were breeding grounds of gang crime, fuelled by the proceeds of drug money. What hope for the children of the slums?
That's where the urban thinkers came in. Inspired by posh ski resorts and mountain tops made accessible to sedentary tourists, they produced some public service cable cars, carrying people high above their slums to neighbourhoods previously achingly far away.
The first one opened in 2010. Several other cities have taken up the idea, including Caracas and London, which misses the point with a link across the Thames from nowhere to nowhere.

The parks in central Medellin are popular

Sugarcane juice is sold in the city's parks

Medellin did not stop there. Other hilly neighbourhoods have escalators. And the municipal authorities have built libraries, parks and local enterprise centres in the slums: public spaces in places which lacked everything but private hell-for-leather land grabs.
Parks are important in Medellin. Downtown already has some beautiful new spaces, much used by people from all over the city enjoying themselves in what is often a balmy climate. Drummers drum in an informal auditorium, children splash in the dancing showers, adults smooch or sip delicious ice cold sugarcane juice sold by some of the city's squads of hawkers.
Now the Mayor is spending a lot of money on turning the concreted river into a new long park. The resulting transport disruption is intense; locals have been warned to stagger their working hours for months while the park is created.
The gangs are not gone, but they seem to be in retreat. Many once fearsome places are safe.

Medellin's metro was the country's first

Attracting tourists

One of the main contributors to the improvement of life in Medellin is the local utility company Empresas Publicas de Medellin. EPM supplies water, power, gas and drainage to all parts of the city, informal slums as well as posh high rise areas.
It is municipally owned. It makes money for the city, for some of those social urbanism projects. And, by sending its workforce climbing up into the newly settled slums to join them up to proper public utilities, it has a big social impact. It helps to legitimise those informal communities with services that they pay for.
A proper public service company, that also happens to be very profitable. It is how many rich world cities were developed in the 19th century, of course.
Thus after decades of being too frightening for most travellers, Medellin is now attracting tourists. It is now on the New York Times Top 50 list of places to visit. Many of the visitors are politicians and professionals who want to find out how to do something similar in their own beleaguered centres of urban decay.
This is an important consideration. Country people continue to pour into the world's cities. In 2009 for the first time this process tipped the urban/rural balance so that there are now more people in cities than not. The trend is bound to continue.

Power struggle?

This has important political implications for people like the mayor of Medellin. In most countries, it is national politicians who have most power, particularly over taxation. But power probably ought to be moving to the cities as the overall population swings that way too. And cities are complex mechanisms that operate on a knife edge.
As we looked over Medellin, the mayor Anibal Gaviria told me how he is trying to get global cities to start something like a development bank of their own to raise money for big urban projects. Such an institution would be highly symbolic. They would mark a power base shift similar to China's newly devised Asian Infrastructure Investment Bank Development Bank.
That has created diplomatic tensions between the traditional global powers such as the USA and the emerging economics giants. There may be a big tug of war to come between municipalities and the countries they happen to be parts of.
And the people who run both of them.

Joke

There's a guy with a Doberman Pinscher and a guy with a Chihuahua. The guy with the Doberman Pinscher says to the guy with the Chihuahua, "Let's go over to that restaurant and get something to eat."

The guy with the Chihuahua says, "We can't go in there. We've got dogs with us."

The guy with the Doberman Pinscher says, "Just follow my lead." They walk over to the restaurant, the guy with the Doberman Pinscher puts on a pair of dark glasses, and he starts to walk in.

A guy at the door says, "Sorry, mac, no pets allowed."

The guy with the Doberman Pinscher says, "You don't understand. This is my seeing-eye dog."

The guy at the door says, "A Doberman Pinscher?"

He says, "Yes, they're using them now, they're very good."

The guy at the door says, "Come on in."

The guy with the Chihuahua figures, "What the heck," so he puts on a pair of dark glasses and starts to walk in. The guy at the door says, "Sorry, pal, no pets allowed."

The guy with the Chihuahua says, "You don't understand. This is my seeing-eye dog."

The guy at the door says, "A Chihuahua?"

The guy with the Chihuahua says, "You mean they gave me a Chihuahua?"

Tuesday, May 26th, 2015

I got up 3 times during the night but still slept well otherwise.

I took a nap with Teresa from 10 to 11:15.

Right after lunch I had an attack of diarrhea.  I think this is only the 2^nd time it’s happened to me in Colombia.

Laura came back at 2pm.  I had given her 20 mil for a loaf of bread but she forgot to take the money with her.  I told Teresa in my opinion the “Wonder” type bread she buys at Merkepaisa for Laura’s sandwiches is garbage.  I asked her to tell Laura to buy 2 loaves; cereales for me and integral for her sandwiches.

I took another nap from 2 to 3:15.

I don’t have much money left this month so we will probably stay close to the finca the rest of this week.  Next Monday, June 1^st, we will go to Envigado to pay bills with my new replenishment of cash.

Lots of thunder on and off all afternoon thus I didn’t have much to do except read.  I finished the 435 page book Riptide by Donald Preston and downloaded the 405 page The God Delusion by Richard Dawkins.

We started watching The Ring (7.1) but Teresa wasn’t feeling good so she went to bed early.

I took my sleeping pills at 9:45 and went to bed at 10pm.

T-shirt of the day: Star Wars.

Joke

I recently picked a new primary care doctor. After two visits and exhaustive lab tests, he said I was doing "fairly well" for my age. I just turned fifty five.

A little concerned about that comment, I couldn't resist asking him, "Do
you think I'll live to be 80?"

He asked, "Do you smoke tobacco, or drink beer, wine, or hard liquor?"

"Oh no," I replied. "I don’t do drugs, either!"

Then he asked, "Do you eat steak and barbecued ribs?"

I said, "Not much. My former doctor said that all that red meat is very
unhealthy!"

"Do you spend a lot of time in the sun, like playing golf, boating, sailing, hiking, or bicycling?"

"No, I don't," I said.

He asked, "Do you gamble, drive fast cars, or have a lot of sex?"

"No," I said.

He looked at me and said, "Then, why do you even care?"

Monday, May 25th, 2015

Happy Memorial Day!

I got up twice during the night, finally waking/getting up at 8:45.

We were surprised to find we didn’t have any electricity.  Teresa called Une while I had a bowl of cereal.  I can’t even take a shower without electricity.  All I can do for entertainment is read my Nook book.

For some reason the clock on my cell phone is working again.

Teresa showed me a small salamander the terriers had found and killed.

The power finally came back on at 12:45pm.

Don Carlos stopped by and cleaned out a small water pit in front of the finca.  A little later I heard a commotion and all 4 terriers had Don Carlos’ dog with his back to the hill and that dog that is so nice to me was snarling at them like a wolf.  I guess his survival instincts kicked in.

I finally remembered to update my Citibank online account with my new ATM card number.  I did the same in my USAA account so it can display the amount in my Citibank account.

I checked the long haired dog breeds and the other killer dog looks like a black golden retriever / border collie mix.

I took my sleeping pills at 11pm and went to bed at 11:15.

T-shirt of the day: I want to break free.

 

Joke

A plane is on its way to Toronto, when a blonde in economy class gets up, and moves to the first class section and sits down.

The flight attendant watches her do this, and asks to see her ticket.

She then tells the blonde that she paid for economy class, and that she will have to sit in the back.

The blonde replies, "I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, I'm going to Toronto and I'm staying right here."

The flight attendant goes into the cockpit and tells the pilot and the co-pilot that there is a blonde bimbo sitting in first class that belongs in economy, and won't move back to her seat.

The co-pilot goes back to the blonde and tries to explain that because she only paid for economy she will have to leave and return to her seat.

The blonde replies, "I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, I'm going to Toronto and I'm staying right here."

The co-pilot tells the pilot that he probably should have the police waiting when they land to arrest this blonde woman who won't listen to reason.

The pilot says, "You say she is a blonde? I'll handle this.  I'm married to a blonde. I speak blonde."

He goes back to the blonde and whispers in her ear, and she says, "Oh, I'm sorry." and gets up and goes back to her seat in economy.

The flight attendant and co-pilot are amazed and ask him what he said to make her move without any fuss.

I told her, "First class isn't going to Toronto."

Sunday, May 24th, 2015

I got up once during the night until the alarm went off at 7:30.  Teresa told me she wants to sleep so we will go to Envigado another day.  We finally got up at 8:45.

I refilled the hummingbird feeder with sugar water and repositioned it in a tree facing the finca.

Teresa watched a catholic mass on TV from noon to 12:30.

I took a nap from 2:30 to 3:30.

Teresa showed me some pretty yellow birds in the trees out back.

I tried to order more pepper spray from Amazon but my order was denied.  The reason given was that this product cannot be shipped outside of the US.

I watched a few more episodes of Mayday on TV and then The Walking Dead series on Netflix.

I took my sleeping pills at 10:45 and went to bed at 11pm.

T-shirt of the day: Not running sucks.

Saturday, May 23rd, 2015

I got up twice during the night finally waking/getting up at 8am.

Teresa talked to her sister Vicky who invited us to Santa Monica (neighborhood) to play bingo.  She told me we can return the dress another day.  I understand bingo is from 3pm to 5 or 6pm and I had her promise me we will return to the finca tonight and not stay overnight in Vicky’s house.

Laura left at 11:30 for her English lesson.

We left the finca at 12:25 and got past the killer dogs undetected.  We may have been helped by the sound of a helicopter flying overhead.  When we got to the bottom of the hill there was a large cement mixer with an attached nozzle to carry cement to the top of the overlooking hill.

After a 5 minute wait we were on a bus to Fredonia.  Traffic was very heavy and the bus took a couple side streets to get ahead of the expressway traffic.  We got off at Aguacatala where we quickly caught a Circular Sur 303 bus to Viva CC.  

We shared a Frischuleta, we each had chicken soup, I had cole slaw, Teresa had a mixed salad and we each had a drink for 38,400.

Teresa stopped downstairs at Nohelia where she picked up a business card so she can call for an appointment.  I understood she wants to have her hair or maybe her nails done tomorrow morning.

About 2:30pm I was surprised my cell phone read 12:35.  I reset it but it still didn’t update.

We took a taxi to the house across the street from Parque Ajedrez and arrived at 2:45.  We paid 24mil for 2 bingo cards and it also included a ziplock bag for each of us with a box of apple juice and a ham pastry inside.

They finally started at 3:25 and we left at 7:30.  There were only 3 games, 30-60 minutes each with long intermissions in between for talking, eating, drinking, and dancing.  Vicky wasn’t there; something about her son Samuel having (field) hockey practice but her husband Albero was the emcee of the evening calling off numbers and cracking a lot of jokes.

We took a taxi to Aguacatala where we caught a Caldas bus.  We got off before the usual Caldas bus stop and walked a couple blocks where we caught a Fredonia bus to the sideroad.

We got past the killer dogs undetected.

Teresa asked me to set the alarm for 7:30am.

I took my sleeping pills at 10:30 and we went to bed.

T-shirt of the day: Johnny Cash: Man in Black.

Friday, May 22nd, 2015

I got up twice during the night before the alarm went off at 4:30.  Teresa asked me to turn it off but she didn’t get up.  5 minutes later I got up, took my shower, had a small bowl of cereal, shaved and we were out the door by 5:45.

We left the finca at 5:55am and after we passed the neighbor’s house and were almost to the top of the hill, the killer dogs came out but they were too late.

We only had to wait 2 minutes for a Fredonia bus but traffic was heavy and we didn’t get to El Poblado until 7:30.  We took a taxi to Torre Medica where I paid 47mil for Teresa’s blood test.

We walked next door to Boulevard Café where we each had scrambled eggs, a chicken pastry and hot chocolate or coffee for 21,500.

After that we walked over to MBE just after they opened.  Thankfully they had my new Citibank ATM card and I wasn’t charged anything for it.  I’ll have to try to withdraw a little cash sometime in the near future to make sure it works.

We took a taxi to Santafe where I took out some cash from the Citibank ATM and Teresa waited in line at BanColombia to get money that her mother sent for Laura for a graduation trip to Cartagena.

We stopped in a pharmacy where I bought another bottle of generic Caladryl for 8,500 and another bottle of HialTears for 25,800.

Teresa found a dress at Zara for 129mil.  We had lunch in their food court: Teresa had fish from Patacon for 21,500 and I had a meatball sandwich from Subway for 11,200.

We took a taxi to Envigado and on the way I noticed a Chicago's Deep Dish Pizza restaurant at Calle 20 Sur #27-55.  At one point where the taxi driver had to make a left turn, where it wasn’t allowed, he made a right hand turn into a building parking lot, drove through the underground parking, and out the other side where he could now go straight ahead, in effect, accomplishing a clover leaf left hand turn.

In Envigado I added 50mil to my cell phone and we bought some things at Exito.

We took a taxi to the highway and after a 5 minute wait we were on a Fredonia bus.  Unfortunately it made a stop in downtown Caldas before continuing on to the finca.  On our way up the hill a car stopped on its way up and Teresa talked to someone named Mario.  I gave him 100mil which I understood was towards the repair of the side road with another equal payment due in June.

I was surprised when we got past the killer dogs undetected.

Among new US movie releases I would like to see are Tomorrowland (7.3), Poltergeist (6.2), The Farewell Party (7.5), and Sunshine Superman (7.5).

Locally, I would like to see Sunshine Superman (7.5) and Mad Max: Fury Road (8.8).

Teresa found something wrong with the dress so she wants to return it tomorrow.  I also forgot to buy floss so maybe we can take care of that also and I’ll try to find the Citibank in Caldas and take a little cash out using my new ATM card.

From 6-8pm I watched more episodes of the Oak Island Money Pit.

I took my sleeping pills at 9:30 and we went to bed at 9:45.

T-shirt of the day: We survive because we can love.

Joke

A guy is driving around the back woods of Tennessee and he sees a sign in front of a broken down shanty-style house: 'Talking Dog For Sale.' He rings the bell and the owner appears and tells him the dog is in the backyard.
The guy goes into the backyard and sees a nice looking Labrador Retriever sitting there.

“You talk?” he asks.

“Yep,” the Lab replies. After the guy recovers from the shock of hearing a dog talk, he says “So, what's your story?”

The Lab looks up and says, “Well, I discovered that I could talk when I was pretty young. I wanted to help the government, so I told the CIA. In no time at all they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders because no one figured a dog would be eavesdropping. I was one of their most valuable spies for eight years running.

But the jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't getting any younger so I decided to settle down. I signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security, wandering near suspicious characters and listening in. I uncovered some incredible dealings and was awarded a batch of medals.
Later I got married, had a mess of puppies, and now I'm just retired.”

The guy is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants for the dog.

“Ten dollars,” the guy says.

“Ten dollars? This dog is amazing! Why on earth are you selling him so cheap?”

“Because he's a liar. He never did any of that shit.”

Thursday, May 21st, 2015

I got up once at 4am and it appeared to have been raining all night.  Teresa informed me we would go for her blood test tomorrow morning so I went back to sleep.  I got up again at 7am finally waking/getting up at 8:30.

Laura got up at noon.  I guess she didn’t go to school because of the heavy rain.

Teresa went with Guillermo for awhile to fix the water discharge pipes so we couldn’t use the sinks or toilets for a while.

Teresa and I watched Triangle (6.9).     

At 6:50 it started raining again.

Interesting timing.  Even though I saw The imitation Game (8.1) in a theatre last year I watched it again tonight on Netflix.  Btw, its Spanish title, tranlated into English, is The Enigma Code.  There is a lot of fiction in that movie.  They made it sound like they only needed the words “climate” and “heil hitler” to break the code but that wouldn’t give them any of the Enigma settings: which wheels were being used or in what order or what the internal plug settings were.  They only got those by capturing code books from submarines or other naval vessels and the settings only covered a month or two.  And there were thousands of people working at Bletchley Park, many more than the 6 shown in the movie.  And while they were working on the naval codes, the army and air force had different enigma machines.

By 7:10 the rain was much harder and 3 minutes later Teresa unplugged the router.  3 minutes later she plugged it back in.  The rain stopped at 7:35.  It started again at 9:12, very hard.  Well, enough of the weather reports.  I’ll only mention it again if something unusual happens.

Teresa had me set my alarm clock to 4:30, she’s getting me up tomorrow at 5am and we’re leaving at 5:45.

I took my sleeping pills at 10:15pm and went to bed.

T-shirt of the day: Blah, Blah, Blah.  No Excuses.  Thank You.

Wednesday, May 20th, 2015

I didn’t sleep very well, getting up once at 2:45.  Laura woke us up at 4am and Teresa told me she wanted to go tomorrow so I relaxed and tried to get back to sleep.  At 5am she wakes me up and informs me that it’s supposed to rain tomorrow so she wants to go today; so get up.  I got up, had a quick small bowl of granola, dressed and we were out by 5:35, a few minutes behind Laura.  We got past the killer dogs undetected until I saw one of the large black dogs in a field on the other side of the barbed wire fence where I sometimes see Don Carlos’ horse.  For grins I raised my arms and screamed at him and he didn’t know where to go to get away from me.  

A minute later we passed Guillermo who was coming up the hill.

After a five minute wait we got on a bus that surprisingly was empty.  Teresa talked to the driver, I paid him 3 mil and we got off at the police check station by the crossroad to Caldas.  Teresa talked to an officer and I understood he told her we should catch a bus on the other road towards Caldas.  I saw Teresa shaking her head and the officer nodding his head so there was some disagreement there.  After 5 minutes we were on a crowded Barbara bus to El Poblado.  We took a taxi from there to Torre Medicas/CediMed across the street from Torre Intermedica.

We took an elevator up to an office and after a 5 minute wait she went in for her blood draw.

Back downstairs I noticed a Servibanca ATM machine so I wanted to try to see if it would have instructions in English and what maximum withdrawal it would allow.  It did have English instructions and I chose the 780mil option and surprisingly it gave it all to me in 20mil bills.  That’s a large stack of money but the small bills come in handy with taxis, buses, and small stores.

We walked across the street to Torre Intermedica where I waited in line for about 15 minutes to use their public washroom and then we went next door to a small restaurant, Boulevard Café, where Teresa had some scrambled eggs and a pastry with chicken inside and a hot chocolate and I had an apple spice muffin (again) with coffee for 15,500.  She also ordered 6 more chicken pastries to go and I added a package of Extra gum that they were selling for a total of 22,500.

We took a taxi to Aguacatala station and quickly were on a bus back to the finca.

The killer dogs came at us as we passed the neighbor’s house but all I had to do is raise my arms and scream and the black dog backed off.  We were back at the finca by 9:30am.

We took a nap from 9:45 to just before noon.

I received an email that I have “documents” waiting for me at MBE.  I sure hope that’s my Citibank credit card because I haven’t been able to access that account at all.

At 1:50 it started raining, 15 minutes later it had stopped.  At 2:30 it started thundering again just as Laura came back.  At 2:35 it started raining again.

I finished Hugh Sebag-Montefiore’s 457 page book Enigma: The Battle for the Code.  That Enigma coding machine was a very complicated machine.  I couldn’t even understand how it worked let alone how to break one.  Some interesting facts I took from the book:

Ian Fleming, author of the James Bond book series, suggested the British Navy stage a disabled german submarine with British sailors onboard to be rescued by a german ship.  Then the British Sailors would take over the capturing ship, retrieve their code books and sink both ships.

Submarine U-505, captured just 2 days before D-Day, has been on display in Chicago’s Museum of Science & Industry since 1954.  Per the internet The cipher materials captured on U-505 included the special "coordinate" code, the regular and officer Enigma settings for June 1944, the current short weather codebook, the short signal codebook, and bigram tables due to come into effect in July and August respectively.

Several other submarines and their crews were captured in the Atlantic.  My father, who served in the navy, was on a ship in the task force that captured one of them.  (I remember he served on destroyer escort USS Janssen, but that might not be the ship he was on at the time.  I recall him mentioning that one of the germans spoke good English and had dollars in his pockets so he was suspected to have been a spy to be dropped off in the US.)

I downloaded the 435 page book Riptide by Donald Preston.

Teresa got a call; something about her hemoglobin and I understand we have to go back to the clinic early tomorrow for another blood test.

Teresa and I watched Take Shelter (7.4) on Netflix.

I took my sleeping pills at 10pm and we went to bed.

T-shirt of the day: I can and I will.  Watch me.