Joke

JEWISH STAND UP COMEDY JOKES

* I just got back from a pleasure trip. I took my mother-in-law to the airport.

* I've been in love with the same woman for 50 years.  If my wife ever finds out, she'll kill me!

* What are three words a woman never wants to hear when she's making love?
"Honey, I'm home!"

* Someone stole all my credit cards but I won't be reporting it. The thief spends
less than my wife did.

* My wife and I are always holding hands. If I let go, she shops.


* My wife was at the beauty shop for two hours. That was only for the estimate. She got a mudpack and looked great for two days. Then the mud fell off.

* The Doctor gave a man six months to live. The man couldn't pay his bill so the doctor gave him another six months.

* Doctor: "You'll live to be 60!"
Patient: "I am 60!"
Doctor: "See! What did I tell you?"

You’ve heard the controversy about when life begins. In Jewish tradition, the fetus is not considered viable until it graduates from medical school.

Question: What's the difference between a Rottweiler and a Jewish mother?
Answer: Eventually, the Rottweiler lets go.